When to Agree, Redirect, or Reassure in Dementia Care

If you’ve ever cared for a loved one with dementia, you’ve probably found yourself in a difficult moment:
They say something that’s not true — maybe they insist they need to “go home,” even though they’re already there. Your instinct may be to correct them. But in dementia care, truth and compassion don’t always mean the same thing.

At Full Bloom, we help families navigate these emotionally charged situations every day. Learning when to agree, redirect, or reassure can transform frustration into connection—and bring calm to moments that once felt impossible.

Why Arguing Doesn’t Work

When the brain changes caused by Alzheimer’s or dementia alter memory and perception, logical reasoning often fades. Correcting or challenging someone’s reality can heighten confusion, fear, or anger.
That’s why experienced dementia caregivers rely on validation rather than confrontation.

It’s not about lying — it’s about meeting your loved one where they are.

Three Compassionate Approaches

Not every moment with dementia calls for the same response. Sometimes a gentle agreement brings peace, while other times a calming redirection or simple reassurance is what’s needed most. Having a few different approaches in your caregiver toolbelt helps you respond in ways that honor both the person’s emotions and the reality of the moment.

1. Agree — When Reality Brings Comfort

Sometimes the kindest response is simply to go along with what your loved one believes.

Example:
Your mom says, “I need to make lunch for the kids.”
Instead of reminding her the kids are grown, you might say,

“That’s so thoughtful. You always made the best sandwiches — tell me what you’d make today.”

This is known as therapeutic fibbing — a gentle way of preserving dignity and easing anxiety.

2. Redirect — When You Can Shift the Focus

When a situation could cause distress or isn’t safe, redirection can steer the moment toward something calmer.

Example:
Your dad insists he needs to drive to work.
You might say, “Let’s make sure your car is ready — why don’t we have some coffee first?”

A change of topic, setting, or activity can break the loop without confrontation.
It’s not deception — it’s compassionate distraction.

3. Reassure — When Emotions Run High

Sometimes, what your loved one needs most isn’t information but comfort.

Example:
Your spouse says, “I’m scared — I don’t know where I am.”
Instead of explaining the details of their location, try, “You’re safe. I’m right here with you.”

Reassurance communicates love and stability — two things dementia can never take away.

Therapeutic Fibbing vs. Gentle Truth-Telling

There’s no one-size-fits-all rule. The key is to read the moment and respond with compassion—not correction.

A Mindset Shift for Families

It can feel uncomfortable to agree with something that isn’t technically true. But remember: dementia alters perception, not personality. When you choose calm over correction, you’re honoring the emotional truth your loved one is experiencing.

Want More Caregiving Tips Like These?

Subscribe to the Bloom Bulletin—our monthly newsletter full of real-life strategies, inspiring care stories, and insights from dementia experts.